Titleless

I am an addict. I am addicted to the real addict. I can’t seem to get enough of him. I need to know he’s ok. I need to know he’ll make it home tonight. I need to know he loves me. I need to know he hasn’t spent all his money, at least hope he has enough to catch the bus back home. I need to know he’s escaping this world for the both of us. I need to know he won’t inhale the day of my sisters wedding. I need to know he won’t be wasted for his son’s kindergarten graduation. I need to know he won’t be high when he goes to the 4th job interview this year. I need to know he didn’t spend this month’s rent money. Is that not an addict? Is an addict not someone who needs something in order to function? Will I have withdrawals when I finally stop worrying? I need to know he won’t be upset when he comes home and dinner is cold. I need to know he won’t make me carry his weight on my shoulders. I need to know he won’t want to make love today, I’m just too tired. I need to know he won’t make me cry. I need to know how he’ll talk to his children today. I need to know.I want to know why there’s no rehab for people like me. I want to know why we don’t have a title or a name.
I want to know why he is the hero when he overcomes his addiction. I want to know how many people counted the days I didn’t kill myself like they count the days he’s been sober or clean. I want to know why they have meetings to make him feel better. Who makes me feel better? His family? His children? I want to comprehend why he is the only one called a survivor. Did I not survive his addiction too? Maybe it’s because I didn’t escape the real world with needles or smoke. Perhaps I didn’t kill all my brain cells or impaired my ability to think when I was an addict of him. At least that’s what they think. What about the turmoil my life was before recovery, while recovery and after? What about my recovery? What about his children, didn’t they survive the tremulous roller coaster of his addiction? Are they not scarred for life, yet they keep on living? Didn’t they clean up as well? Are they not survivors?How unfair of me to ask for a title. How dare I compare. How dare I for a second be selfish? How much of a coward can you be when you fade into that world? Why can’t you deal with it like the rest? Or are we the cowards that face life? How unjust of me to think like this. Perhaps I too am a coward, an addict like you.

This is a piece for everyone who has ever dealt with an alcoholic or a drug addict. Let's not forget that although we don't officially get clean, we too are survivors. I give my most utter respect to any one that has stuck by an addict's side through it all. It's not easy to see a loved one destroyed and it's not easy helping them through. We don't have a title for what we are and what we become in the life of an addict, so until then we will just remain titleless.

Riches

They say that times were tough then That money was very tight But I remember my childhood And I know that can't be right Mom would cook our dinner Dad came home at five We were all sitting at the table Waiting for him to arrive We wouldn't eat from a microwave Or a resturant down the street We all ate Mom's home cooking And boy that can't be beat We didn't eat in front of the TV Or with a phone in our hand We weren't plugged into a stereo bopping to the latest band We would all sit at the table Everyone in their place There were never any surprises We reconized every face Brothers to the left of me Sisters to the right That's the way we ate dinner Every single night We laughed we joked we talked we ate We were a family don't you see Though some may have been raised poor You can see it wasn't me We said yes sir we said no sir We said thank you ma'am and please So when you talk of family life Or how it used to be Though many had more money None were as rich as me. - Jeanne D. Rhein

I believe...

For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness. ~Author Unknown

Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself. ~Harriet Nelson

It's so hard when I have to, and so easy when I want to. ~Annie Gottlier

I am a little deaf, a little blind, a little impotent, and on top of this are two or three abominable infirmities, but nothing destroys my hope. ~Voltaire

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. ~Dorothy Parker

We'd all like to vote for the best man, but he's never a candidate. ~Frank McKinney

It's better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
~Abraham Lincoln

Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out. ~Anton Chekhov

You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough. ~Frank Crane

Women really do rule the world. We just haven't figured it out yet...

Trece Lineas Para Vivir

1. Te quiero no por quien eres, sino....... por quien soy cuando estoy contigo.
2 Ninguna persona merece tus lágrimas, y quien se las merezca no te hará llorar.
3. Solo porque alguien no te ame como tú quieres, no significa que no te ame con todo su ser.
4. Un verdadero amigo es quien te toma de la mano y te toca el corazón.
5. La peor forma de extrañar a alguien es estar sentado a su lado y saber que nunca lo podrás tener.
6. Nunca dejes de sonreír, ni siquiera cuando estés triste, porque nunca sabes quien se puede enamorar de tu sonrisa.
7. Puedes ser solamente una persona para el mundo, pero para una persona tú eres el mundo.
8. No pases el tiempo con alguien que no esté dispuesto a pasarlo contigo.
9. Quizá Dios quiera que conozcas mucha gente equivocada antes de que conozcas a la persona adecuada, para que cuando al fin la conozcas sepas estar agradecido.
10. No llores porque ya se terminó, sonríe porque sucedió.
11. Siempre habrá gente que te lastime, así que lo que tienes que hacer es seguir confiando y solo ser más cuidadoso en quien confías dos veces.
12. Conviértete en una mejor persona y asegúrate de saber quien eres antes de conocer a alguien más y esperar que esa persona sepa quien eres.
13. No te esfuerces tanto, las mejores cosas suceden cuando menos te las esperas.
~Gabriel García Marquez

Diego & Giovanny